Another Meltdown

Yes, we had another major meltdown in our home... there were tears, there was anger, there was frustration and a definite time out was needed.  Who was it?  Jadon...no...   Kaylee...no...  Addison...no....  Must have been the baby... Cody???  No....

This time it was me... yes, me Mommy.  I feel like most days I'm holding on by a thread, but I'm able to hold it together despite shot nerves, but yesterday I was sitting talking to my Mom and Cody was frustrated because he wanted me to get up and follow him.  As I turned to look at Cody... WHAM!!!!  I took a dinosaur flashlight right in the face.  Cody was mad I wouldn't follow him and swung the flashlight hitting me across the temple and the mouth.  I never saw it coming....

I was hurt and furious and melted down into a pool of sobbing tears dragging Cody to time out while yes, pretty much yelling at him....  it was not a pretty sight....  knowing I just needed to step away I left the kids in my Mom's care and went crying to a hot shower...

I returned calmer but the tears continued throughout the day.  Somedays are better than others, but everyday is hard, stressful, and exhausting.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning and just can't breathe.  My day is filled from dawn to dusk with meeting the needs of others with little room for anything else.  Sometimes the noise level in our home is deafening and the kids aren't being bad they are just being kids.  Kids are loud, kids are demanding, kids cry and kids need....

Sometimes I think I'd be a better mother if I had a part time job... if I just had some time away from them to deal with adult issues rather than fights over a toy which has sat unplayed with for months and now everyone wants.

I'm writing this with Cody in my lap trying to put a toy train on the keyboard and telling me, "Mommy, I don't want to."  In the background Jadon is yelling because Kaylee has a hold of his shirt and is trying to lick his Zhu Zhu pet.  The issues are ridiculous, constant, and exhausting....

Ok, time for me to blog about how much I love my kids despite the issues and find the rainbow and yes, I intend to do just that because I do love my kids beyond words.  I love them so much my heart aches and I lose sleep at night worrying about them and their futures.  I love them so much that yes, I do work tirelessly to ensure they are well fed, well educated, well mannered, clean, loved, cared for, disciplined, connected to God, and need for nothing which might aid them in their lives.  But, I am tired and often overwhelmed.  I am just so thankful that I have my parents close and my Mom to help, but even more that I have my partner, my husband, who lets me cry and talk when a good ol' fashion cry it out moment is needed.

My blogging (and photography) have also suffered under the pressure.  I'm still trying to keep up with I Heart Faces, but have had to drop most other challenges and blog hops and I think I'm going to have to drop Project 52... we'll see.  Right now, pulling out my camera and trying to capture a photo of "Darks and Lights" is at the bottom of my todo list.

I am still trying to keep up with everyone's blogs and comment as much as I can... but I apologize if my commenting has dropped off a bit.  There just isn't enough time in the day and I'm just tired...